In a few days our family from America will make the huge journey to NZ, and we are excited.  I haven’t seen my sister (in-heart) for nearly 5 years, and the last time I saw my niece Essie she was 10 months old and now almost six.

Many, many, many years ago there was a moment of doubt regarding the life of my husband’s brother, a doubt which was voiced by the medical profession coupled by advice to end what had begun.  The reality of what this would have meant really hit me today as I was driving.  Had another decision been made in that office there would have been a gaping hole instead of this beautiful family.  My sister would have married someone else, I would never have known her … and my niece and nephew would never have existed.

Life is so precious … too precious.

And today, in the kitchen, tears fall as I consider the gaping hole in our family.  I consider the futures, the marriage partners, the family, the friends, the joy, the battles, the living and the missing.

My vision is blurry but in the middle of the missing and in the middle of our kitchen, I look up, longing to be, together.

One day.


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